Open Doors

Drive from Rock Creek to Phillipsburg.

I'm kind of embarrassed about my last post, but I guess I had to come out of my shell sometime. The results were negative. Such is life. I opened another door and it closed on me. At least I know I will never revisit that part of my life again. I learned a wonderful thing this time around. While waiting for the results I started to wonder why knowing such a thing would have any impact on me right now in my life. I'm an adult (most of the time) and I have been shaped and molded already and I am pretty sure I will remain the same person for quite some time. Of course I will get a little more aged, a little more cynical, a bit more hopeful, a lot more real, hopefully crazier, and more grounded, but I don't see my values and personality changing much from what it is today. So, why do I need to know who my biological father is? I don't really need it anymore. And that is what donned on me this month. This topic brings out the little girl in me. It is something I have wanted to know forever, but it doesn't really mean the same thing to me now that it did then. It's not good to hold onto things. It's so hard to let go, but we can't force in our minds what we want so badly for our every day lives. Everything happens for a reason. Life is a constant character-building process. Every day is a hard day, but we wouldn't keep on going if it weren't for those little things that make it absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I wish things were different, but I wouldn't be me if I hadn't lived the life I did up until now. I can't forget that love is everywhere around me. I forget that sometimes when I'm focused on what I want more than what I already have. Unfortunately, it takes a beating to come back again.